How can I find hope?
How can you find hope in the midst of chaos, lies told to you, distress, loss of money and security?
This is a hard question - but one which many have asked before you. There is hope.
Here’s 3 questions which might help:
- What can I learn from someone who’s been through this?
- How can I understand from the gambler’s side?
- What will bring me hope?
What can I learn from someone who has been through this?
This lady (right) has a husband who had a gambling addiction in the early 2000s and has not gambled since
How did you feel when he told you?
Panic stricken. Anxious. Surprised. I had no idea.
How long did it take for you to trust him again?
A year. There weren’t many times when I thought he would start gambling again, I was fairly sure it was the end. I knew, once he told me and told others, that telling us would break the power of it.
What would you say to someone in the same situation?
Whilst it feels like a momentous shock, and everything is spiralling out of control, actually everything is being brought back under control the moment they truly seek help. Even though it is a powerful addiction, it is not like the rest of your life has to be ruined by it.
What can loved ones do to help?
Put aside the fact that it is completely illogical to you. The power of any addiction is its secrecy, so make yourself approachable and understanding so that they feel they can be honest.
Also think of any practical things you can do, for example helping them filter the internet, have an oversight of - or accountability over - the finances etc.
Any other wisdom?
Don’t get fixated on the gambling but help them work out what the deeper issues are and resolve them. Chances are that the gambling urges will come under control and you will have more peace of mind that the issues that were there are resolved.
It is more common than society would have you think. It is overcome-able.
What can I learn from the gambler’s side?
This might seem like a strange thought to you. But it is helpful to understand what the gambler is going through, because then you might understand their behaviour. If you can start to understand them, you can start to find a way forward that has hope.
Watch this 16 minute video of Justyn Rees-Larcombe...
- Gambling addiction is progressive and there is no "safe" level for a problem gambler
- Gamblers do not intend to hurt their loved ones
- Often the gambling is driven by good intentions
- Gamblers sometimes become so desperate they might behave uncharacteristically, like commit crime or sell things of value
- Consequences can be helpful, when delivered in love
What will bring me hope?
We would encourage you that restoration of relationship is the first goal, and is usually possible.
It is not always possible - simply because there are always at least two people in a relationship. Sometimes the gambler will make ongoing poor choices and there may be consequences to these.
You need to forgive them. This does not mean you condone what they have done. It also does not mean that you should not put into place boundaries to prevent further harm.
But if you don’t forgive them then the person it will hurt is you yourself. You will be consumed by bitterness and rage. You have the choice whether to forgive.
Watch our video on forgiveness...
If you are ready to receive it, there is even more hope. Jesus Christ said: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”.
If you’d like to know more, do get in touch with us and we can help you seek more of this abundant life.
